Family getting together for it, later today.

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman – or the want of it in a man.

- -Oscar Wilde

Tomorrow, I’ll dig out the old family albums and go through them, scan and upload a few on Facebook.
What’s the point of having pictures taken, if they’re never going to be seen for years.
Maybe, it will help me rememeber myself, who I was or lost sight of.

I feel lost, but I put up fronts as to not worry anyone.
It really isn’t in my character to lament over anything.
But Facebook on the personal level is really depressing to me.

Watching some family and old friends share pictures OF THEIR CHILDREN,
people who I once thought were incapable of having this responsibility.
Knowing this I turn and analyze myself, maybe it’s just me that’s incapable of that responsibility.
I asked about this in passing to my father, he replied: “You just don’t want to, we’d love grandkids, we’re waiting.”
But he said it a joking manner, so I didn’t press further about my thoughts.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what state of mind, I SHOULD have at this age.
Mentally, I feel like I haven’t changed since I was 20ish.

Oh, you know, when you’re a kid and your parents or teachers ask you what you want to be when you grow up?
There’s always that kid that says “I don’t know.”, it gets brushed off because hey, they’ll know eventually.
Well, I was that kid, and I still don’t know or I thought I did.

I’ve bought many things to force that something, drawing pads, art books/software, drawing tablet, networking books and
recently programming tomes.
I can easily learn, it’s just I feel like there’s no way to apply said knowledge.
Like I said to someone on skype, it’s like having tools, but nothing to build.

I feel like time is running out, this whole “life” thing is hanging over my head.
It feels like a giant hurdle I can’t overcome and if I do, I can feel “normal”.

I don’t know what else to say.
No one else but me is treating this as a big deal.
Turning 20 is one thing, but turning 30 is a whole different beast.
To put it simply, in my mind Thirty is OOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
That’s like 50%~75% of your life already, imo.

Edit: I’m sorry if this post is a bit hard to understand, my mind was all over the place when I typed it up.

As to not just have a bare post, I can also be found:
@subvertedheart - Twitter , tweets can also be seen on the right sidebar of this site.
Backup blog on Blogspot – A back-up blog, created yesterday so it’s rather empty.
Formspring – Ask me questions, get real answers.

No personal talk today, sorry.
Maybe next post, whenever that is!

In other news,
Windows 8 Consumer Preview came out, gave that a shot.
Don’t worry guys, M.U.G.E.N. still lives in Windows 8 CP.

And with that, back to League of Legends.
On that note, I can relate to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi-2AayMk8M

I’ve had similar experiences and reactions, haha.

More information:  http://ricepigeon.webs.com/

Relevant to myself.
Anyway..

My family and I will be spending New Year’s at my uncle’s later today.
My cousins will be driving up from Missouri as well, to see their father and the new recent addition to the family, their  baby half-sister.

As for me, we’ll see what 2012 holds.

That only leaves New Years now. 2012.

Personally, what I want isn’t any form of material possession.
More like a state of being or mind, kind of difficult to explain.

So many things going through my mind, at the moment.
I talk aloud to sort them, but I can’t really bring myself to type further.
Someday.

I haven’t heard this song in a while.
It suddenly popped in my head, while I was out yesterday.